We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
