He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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