Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well I just put wine in my tea
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
