I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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