oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
