where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
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Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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