god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
