Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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