I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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