the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
