Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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