shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
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