I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
