I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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