I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
