Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm like, not good at living.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
