he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
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I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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