Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
