my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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