She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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