if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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