Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
