I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
