I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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