He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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