Got a toothbrush?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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