The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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