Duck Duck Cougar?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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