it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
