I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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