He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
