Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
