adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
