Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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