i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
