i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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