Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
