All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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