i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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