do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
