the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
