Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
