...so i touched it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Randomize
