My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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