He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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