I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Is Oprah even human
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
