I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
