note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
