you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he fucked my hip out of place.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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