I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
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You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
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