You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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