I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I cut my penus on the lid.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
