Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
