It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
