Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
