I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
