no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
