There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
