its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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