he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i think my cat just said my name.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
