Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
