I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
