i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
