I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
