i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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