In America we eat man semen.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
