I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
