I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
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