I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
