I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
