Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
