Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
