Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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