I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
