On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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