Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
