so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
sex in a hospital.. check
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
