Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
