Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
