We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
