hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
